You Choose The Outcome

The Daily Stoic -and continuation of yesterday’s- for November 14th, “You Choose The Outcome”.

“He was sent to prison. But the observation ‘he has suffered evil,’ is an addition coming from you.

—EPICTETUS, DISCOURSES, 3.8.5b–6a

On yesterday’s stoic, I explain why I was not able to write the Daily Stoic. That call left me paralyzed. I spent the rest of the day shaking, despite the two lime teas I had. 

Do You Choose The Outcome?

You may not believe it, but that test is not only painful, but I spent the next 7-8 days worried that they had broken something inside of me. I was super scared, and had a really bad time.

Thus, yesterday I was in total rejection. My whole organism was rebeling against the idea of repeating the test. I didn’t care that, deep inside of me, I knew that I had to repeat the test. I went through the whole range of emotions: denial, rejection, angst and depression.

While today it’s not -that- dramatic, it’s still not ok. I still can’t look at it in a stoic way. The mere thought of going again to that hospital room makes my stomach turn. Today’s stoic meditation talks about Malcom X, how he was imprisioned and went through way more than just a silly medical test -in comparison-. But I still can’t find a way of completely accept the situation.

About Acceptance

Today I am well aware that I have no other option, if I really value my health, but to go through the test again. Perhaps that’s a way of acceptance, perhaps it’s a stoic way of looking at things, given the circumstances.

I mentioned that yesterday I was filled with anger. But that’s not entirely true. Not, at least, the kind of anger that makes you burst in an emotional explosion. What I felt was more similar to a muddied angst and desperation. I knew I needed to accept that reality, but something deep inside of me refused to do it. Perhaps just the fact that I managed to control my feelings instead of letting them materialize violently was also a very stoic attitude.

But I can’t definitely choose to see this as a positive outcome. I’m sorry. I wonder if that means that I have failed to assimilate the stoic teachings, or that I won’t ever be able to fully adopt a stoic attitude towards life.

Probably yes.

Conclusion

Today’s Daily Stoic, “You Choose The Outcome”, contains my feelings about what happened yesterday, acceptance, and the whole stoic philosophy.